The Three Gift Rule

All you want for Christmas (literally)

Adapted from my 2023 end-of-year speech to High School students and staff…

As I walked around the school this week, I was uplifted by the excitement from staff and students in the high school.  I also could not help but notice the thousands of gifts that were being carried around.  I don’t know why I should be so surprised; the end of the longest term, the end of the year, and the start of the festive season are good enough reasons to celebrate and enjoy giving and receiving gifts.  I do love this time of year.

And yet, as we celebrate, we are all too aware that many people worldwide will not be enjoying time with family or friends this year.

Wars in Ukraine, Gaza and Israel (and many, many other countries) mean that tens of millions of people are displaced, no longer have a home, running water, power, sanitation, access to healthcare, nor are in a position to be very merry at all. We are aware that in many homes, there will be victims of domestic violence, we know that human trafficking does not stop for Christmas, and we know that our world has never been more unequal or unfair.

So the way that we spend our holidays, no matter who we compare ourselves with today, will be an inordinate amount freer, more secure, and, I have to say, more self-indulgent than 99% of the rest of humanity.

And even if we can somehow create peace and harmony across our world, we will still have an even bigger mess to deal with due to our lack of love for our world.

Mother Nature is not happy. As we continue to plunder and exploit her resources to fuel our consumerist and materialistic needs, we know that Climate Change is an emergency that needs all of our attention.

According to the UN, there are several human causes of climate change, including:

• Generating power…
• Manufacturing goods…
• Cutting down forests…
• Using transportation…
• Consuming too much…

Sadly, all these can seem a little less important at this part of the year when all we want to do is spend, consume, and be merry (even if we know, deep down, it is at the earth’s expense).

Best. Gift. Ever.  

This week, I’ve asked people:  What’s your best-ever gift?

I posed the question to 20-odd people.  Most could not tell me, even after a few prompts.  A few were quick to share something they received (often from their early childhood), and a few shared the moment when they gave the perfect gift to someone – and how much satisfaction it gave them to see the recipient’s delight.

I don’t expect to receive a better gift than the one my parents landed on Christmas Day in 1985.  My GOAT is the Millennium Falcon.  Back then, Star Wars was the only thing that mattered, and the Falcon was the toy everyone wanted.  My brothers and I were not expecting it, so it was a genuine surprise. We played with it for years before giving it away (in hindsight, we could have put it back in the box and sold it on eBay for a tidy sum!).  

It’s a special gift not only for the memories but also because I later learned how difficult it was for my parents to afford it (in life before credit cards, mum borrowed the money from a friend and paid it back over the year).  If I had known about the struggle, I wonder if I would have been able to enjoy it as much.  Probably, I was too young to carry those sentiments that often weigh so heavily later in life.

I also learned about the Three Gift Rule in another conversation this week.

There appear to be many variations of the Rule, but the number of gifts given to another is limited to three.  The origin stems from the biblical legend of the Three Kings who followed a star and gave the baby Jesus gold, frankincense and myrrh.  Three kings: three gifts.  

I’m not sure Santa would be that impressed with such a limitation placed upon him, but if it’s good enough for Jesus, perhaps it should be good enough for thee.  Although, it might not be that wise to attempt a late pivot at this stage!

Bah humbug!

I am not a fan of Secret Santa.  At least, not how so many end up being corrupted, even with the best intentions.

My kids are doing one at school (actually, they are doing several, which also irritates me!).  To avoid getting things they don’t want (which is wasteful and inefficient, my son tells me), they write down what they want in an App within an agreed budget, and then someone is assigned to get it for them.  They pick their own gift, for goodness sake 😉

There’s no surprise involved.   They could (should) have gone out and got it for themselves and saved everyone the bother, saved all the wrapping paper (cutting down trees), and saved on the unnecessary trip to the shops.  

Why do I get so grumpy about it?  Yes, because it fuels consumerism and contributes to climate change, but also because the gift has no love.  The element of surprise is taken out of the moment.  Any sentiment has been removed and turned into a game people play to win.  Only we could turn something as well-intended as this into a competition!

For me, the best part of a gift is knowing that some thought has been placed into it.  That someone knows us well enough to think we will really appreciate this or that.  Or, this will make him smile.  

My Three Gift Rule

There are some gifts, by the way, that you do not have to pay for.  Gifts that come at no cost.  Gifts that do not require wrapping paper.  Gifts that do not contribute to climate change.  Gifts that can help bring peace and harmony to the world.  

Here are 3:

1. The Gift of a Smile.
2. The Gift of Listening.
3. The Gift of Gratitude.

When you smile at someone, a full smile, people can not help but smile back.  And in the smiling (for all sorts of biology that I don’t understand), both the participants in the smile are magically uplifted by the moment.

When you listen to someone, really listen, no phone distraction listening – people feel heard and understood.  And in the listening, new understandings are discovered, new perspectives gained, and both participants walk away with a new sense of connection.

When you give gratitude to someone freely, without expecting anything in return, you give them a gift.  And in giving (for more psychology that I don’t understand), both the giver and the receiver get something out of the exchange.

We can all afford these gifts; they are treasures that cost nothing but a flicker of the heart. 

The gift of a smile is a simple act that can brighten a room, mend a rift, and kindle a chain reaction of joy. 

The gift of listening is a silent language that speaks volumes and offers solace, understanding, and the priceless knowledge that we are not alone. 

And the gift of gratitude, a whispered moment that acknowledges the beauty, the majesty, and the very breath of life that surrounds us.

Merry Christmas!

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