Be Curious, Not Judgmental

“Be curious, not judgmental”, quotes Ted Lasso in response to being underestimated in one of the TV series’ most iconic scenes.

Do watch it if you have not done so already. As well as being incredibly funny, the understated and seemingly incompetent Ted Lasso has so much to teach us all about how to lead and manage people in our age.

This week, the quote came to my mind as I put together interview questions for potential new teachers. Some of the questions I came up with were based on my worldview and did not provide enough freedom for the teachers to describe their own. Some of my questions, upon reflection, were thinly disguised judgments or criticisms.

I should have been asking more curious questions.

I’m curious. What made you decide to read this blog? Maybe it was the picture? The title? Have you watched Ted Lasso and wondered where this might go?

You could have just skipped through. Either choice may not seem so different, but decisions based on judgements play a massive part in our lives because curiosity helps us better understand the world and others. Dare I say it, but we also make better decisions if we are curious to learn more about what is happening around us.

If you had decided, on scanning the title or the picture for this blog (or some other reason), that you were not interested in reading on, you might not have had the opportunity to benefit from some Ted Lasso wisdom today. This is how judgment works and can close down opportunities for greater knowledge and understanding.

This is not to say that judgments aren’t helpful. Judgments are often necessary when we have to decide something. But more often than not, judgment keeps us from understanding something important, even necessary, about a situation or another person — even ourselves.

Whether we like it or not, humans are judgmental. We judge when we think we already know what we need to know. Sometimes, strong feelings accompany these judgements, such as approval or disapproval. The stronger we feel about our judgments, the more fixed and immovable we become.

We become more dismissive and cynical when our judgment includes disapproval or dislike. So, if we want to understand more about the world around us while feeling less critical and cynical, we need to turn our judgment into curiosity.

One way to do this is always to assume positive intentions from those we interact with.

Authentic curiosity is not just about asking more questions (as they can be thinly veiled judgments or implied criticisms). Asking my son, “Why didn’t you do your homework?” is a typical question with more judgment than curiosity, invariably provoking a defensive response.

Similarly, a teacher who tells a student, “Your continued lateness to school just proves you are not interested in learning,” or a Head of Department who admonishes one of their teachers for not completing their marking on time, maybe missing an opportunity to be curious about what happened and why. If we were to assume positive intent, we would not be asking these questions.

By being curious, the other person feels our interest and, if there’s a problem, will be more likely to self-reflect and perhaps do it differently next time.

Whether it’s a simple act like reading this blog or a more complex situation like understanding a child or a colleague, embracing curiosity before forming judgments can lead to a deeper understanding and smoother interactions.

There will always be time for judgment. But it should not come before curiosity.

Barbecue sauce.